And so that was Bloodstock 2011, a storming weekend of metal, beer, metal, food and metal. As expected it was the highlight of my year, a cracking good laugh and a fantastic musical experience. I'm now suffering quite badly with L.O.B. (Life Outside Bloodstock) syndrome, so rather than dwell on reality, let me regale you with tales of hilarity, drunkenness and chemical toilets.
Although the festival officially runs from Friday to Sunday, we decided to attend from Thursday to Monday to ensure we were present for every last second of the festival proper. This decision was made easier because the main arena was open on Thursday night with beer, music and comedy.
The Old Dead Tree
After a surprisingly easy drive we parked up by an amazing old dead tree. Coincidentally, we had been listening to The Old Dead Tree on the way down, so it seemed particularly apt. After what felt like a 10 mile hike to the campsite, we pitched camp and cracked open the first beer. Well, you have to, don't you? This was pretty much the theme of the weekend, although this time the focus was less on drink and more on having a laugh and watching great bands play amazing sets. And there was certainly plenty of that.
We missed the comedy on Thursday night, but caught Revoker who, despite being a little disappointing in Sheffield last month, were proven to be a good band who suffered at the hands of less than great sound quality. The beer was a choice of Hobgolin or Carlsberg. No brainer, if you ask me, and at £3.80 a pint I'd rather have real ale than fizzy lager I can (and did) get for 50p a can from Asda. I seemed to be the only member of the group drinking Hobgoblin for some reason. I don't know why, but the less they drank, the more there was for me. It's all good.
Hobgoblin Merchandise
Wychwood had their own stall selling merchandise, so I obviously went over and got a t-shirt. While I was there, I noticed some very nice pewter tankards with the Hobgoblin and Wychwood logos. I had to have one. Thanks to an ingenious arrangement of camera straps, key rings and carabiners, the Tankyard (the lanyard for your tankard) was born. I used it all weekend and got an awesome reaction from everyone who saw it. Somebody even left a quid in it while I was asleep on the grass. I didn't think I looked that much like a drunken tramp, but maybe I did.
Shreddertron!
Friday saw the official opening of festivities, with the main stage being unveiled and the barriers removed, the Bloodstock Arms opening and serving its first beers, and a long list of bands we wanted to see. On Thursday night I was handed a flier for Shreddertron, and they were first up on the New Blood stage. As good a place as any to start.
A very good place, as it turned out. Somewhat Pelican-esque post-metal, with some parts reminiscent of Apocalyptica, meant that everyone thoroughly enjoyed it. There was, we noted, no shredding, which did make the moniker Shreddertron a little inaccurate, but we let them off.
Map Wench
The "Map Wench" (the busty, beautiful 23inertia) performed admirably, carrying her lineup scheduled on her lanyard, juggling clashes and making sure we were all at the right stage at the right time with the right amount of food and beer. I'll be honest, if it weren't for her reminders, I'd have probably forgotten to eat entirely. Excellent work, Map Wench. Your services are both appreciated, and required again next time.
Because the lineup this year did not contain a great number of bands I specifically wanted to see, we took the opportunity to see as much as we could to expand our musical horizons. And expand them we did. So much, in fact, that my Amazon wishlist has grown enormous just by adding all the albums I now want to own. Need to find some way to fund it.
There were ups and downs, of course. Some of the bigger bands (Wolf, Ihsahn, and W.A.S.P., for example) were quite disappointing, sounding to my ear a little "by the numbers". Others were a great surprise. October File played a superb set and really engaged with the audience. Byfrost are a band I've wanted to hear for a while, and I was not disappointed. Tarot, Finntroll, Wintersun and Therion were similarly spectacular.
4 Metal Fingers vs Invisible Oranges
Devin Townsend returned after last year's disastrous set, in which the band's equipment disappeared along with the sound. Providing more of a cabaret act than a metal set, it was nontheless entertaining and the crowd responded well to being called a "fetid number of hippies" by Ziltoid the Omniscient.
Feral Banana
Somewhat caught up in the hilarity, and riffing on the "My next band is …" meme, we spent a good hour on Saturday morning jazzed on Monster energy drink taking promotional shots of each other for such amazing sounding fake bands as "4 Metal Fingers", "Feral Banana", "Cheeky Gnome Expression", "Ironic Boobies" and "Bowel Movement". I'm not sure how successful they would be, but it was a hell of a laugh.
Worship the Feral Banana
One disappointment-cum-highlight for me was Primordial. Alan Averill, the band's vocalist, completely lost his voice a short way into the third track of what was promising to be a great set. He was obviously very upset by this turn of events, and made every effort to get back on the stage. The crowd were completely on the band's side, cheering Alan on whenever he appeared and provided vocals for the rest of the set as the band played instrumental. The crowd response was phenomenal and the band responded with humility and appreciation. It turned a potential disaster into, I think, one of the most engaging sets of the weekend.
One of the greatest things about a festival of this size is the sheer number of smaller unsigned or lesser known bands to discover. These were there in abundance, and we heard some amazing metal from the New Blood and Sophie Lancaster stages. Sanguine, Saturnian and Spire provided smaller, more directed sets to smaller crowds. It's how I imagine the Corporation would feel if it moved into a tent.
In fact, I enjoyed the smaller bands much more than the headliners. I generally find this to be the case, though. The smaller the band, the more engaged they are with the audience. W.A.S.P. did nothing for me, as I mentioned, and it was more fun making jokes about Immortal than watching Immortal. Motörhead played only one song I knew, of course, and they seem to be the ultimate one hit wonder. The crowd response wasn't overly enthusiastic until the very last song. Can you guess what it was?
Motörhead's drummer, Mickey D, was amazing to behold. He largely resembled a blonde version of Animal; all hair and flailing limbs. In his honour we popped to McDonalds for a spot of grease to recover from the excesses of the weekend.
One particular band of note I must mention is Evil Scarecrow. After missing most of their set in Worksop a few months ago it was great to see them play to a packed out crowd on the Sophie Lancaster stage. The world record attempt synchronised robot was a thing to behold, and I managed to secure a spot to video the attempt. I heard more than one person exiting the arena say that it was the highlight of their respective weekends.
Northern Oak
At the risk of sounding biased, I would have to say that the band of the weekend was Northern Oak. After a great acoustic set on the Jägermeister stage, including getting into the crowd and dancing, they played the greatest set I've ever seen them play on the New Blood stage. More of everything; more growls, more bombast, more horns in the air and an astounding crowd reaction saw them spend the next hour signing t-shirts and CDs, and taking photographs with fans both old and new. A thoroughly well deserved Bloodstock welcome.
This year's festival was, as always, incredibly well organised and well run. The people were generally very pleasant and well behaved, including queueing single file for the toilets and never crossing the "line of decency" by standing closer than necessary. The food was varied, expensive but not overly so, and of very high quality. I enjoyed the food a lot more this time. Having a full English available with 100 yards of the tent every morning was a definite plus point.
Mr Teas
The thing we were all most thankful for, though, was Mr Teas. A tea shop, of course, that sold a wide variety of teas including plain ordinary (builder's) tea, English Breakfast, Darjeeling, Oolong, Earl Grey and Assam. Toast, choccy biccies and other delights were available, and all the tea was make with water boiled on a wood burning stove and served in proper mugs. An oasis to which we would regularly flock.
Mmmm TEA!
The usual reaction when I tell people I'm going to Bloodstock is one of shock and usually disdain. "Is that … heavy metal?" they ask, tentatively. "Oh, no, I don't like that sort of thing." But once again, with very few exceptions, the metalheads were there for the festival, not for trouble. On the Sunday night one guy, presumably off his face on something, decided that he was a Viking warrior and rallied troops to march around the campsite blowing horns. All well and good, a bit of a laugh that I cheered to. But then he decided to invade the family camping area not too far from our tent. He pulled down the fencing and tried to get the crowd to follow him in. They were having none of it.
In fact, what happened next made me remember what a top bunch of folks most metalheads are. While we set about putting the fences back up the massing crowd turned their back on the instigator of the nonsense, leaving him high and dry. Security were present, but didn't do anything. They didn't need to. The community consciousness turned a potentially volatile situation into nothing at all just because everyone was only there for fun, not for selfishness or destruction.
Once again, then, I return from Bloodstock taking a little bit of it with me to keep me going for the next 12 months. Bloodstock is not a big festival, but it is a good festival. A festival for the fans, by the fans, in the truest sense. Here's to BOA 2012, and all the metal she may bring.
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