After what feels like years of speculation, the final headliner for this year's Bloodstock Open Air was announced on June 6th at 6pm. There has been poll after poll, discussion after discussion, theory after theory of who it could be, and now we know that it's ... Machine Head.
This news seems to have been met with approximately 50% enthusiasm and 50% wailing and gnashing of teeth. The media outlets (Terrorizer, Metal Hammer, etc) are, of course, far more excited than could possibly be deemed necessary, but the fans seem to be split down the middle on this decision.
So terrible has the wailing and gnashing of teeth been that some fans have vowed to sell their tickets and boycott the event. Some are saying that it's the worst possible band that could ever be signed to the festival, and that this is the final nail in Bloodstock's coffin. Of course, they say that every year ...
I have no particular feeling either way because, perhaps controversially, I have absolutely no idea what Machine Head sound like. Like other big names in the thrash scene (Metallica et al), they have simply never interested me enough to pay attention to them. But according to many sources their live set is pretty amazing so it could be alright. And if not, an early return to the tent for an evening of nonsensically loud conversation, hijinks, crudity and many, many beers.
The thing is, I've always seen the festival headliners as something of a crowd puller. A popular, almost(?) mainstream band that will sell a great many tickets to bring in lots and lots and lots of cash so that lesser known bands can be signed and the festival can revel in its status as the best underground festival in the UK. Look at the Sophie Lancaster stage, with bands like Saturnian, Bloodshot Dawn, Alcest, Pythia, Orange Goblin, Witchsorrow, Anaal Nathrakh, Winterfylleth and Evile. Then there's the New Blood stage with a shed load of bands that I've never heard before, but would quite like to. Something has to provide the cash to host this showcase of the best in new metal.
So Machine Head are headlining Saturday. I hope that a lot of people buy day tickets to come for that so that there will be enough money to continue to provide the best metal festival the UK has to offer. And that the nay sayers will indeed sell their tickets so they don't bring the pox of elitist metal douchebaggery down upon us.
While shopping in the little market at Bloodstock I picked up a new Sanctorum - Semper Fidelis t-shirt. For some reason this entitled me to a bag of free stuff. Most of it was, of course, tat. There was a Sting & The Police keyring, magazine of some sort, some stickers, some badges and a bunch of CDs.
Some of the CDs I got rid of straight away. A strange Japanese "visual kei" band didn't take my fancy. The CD with a bunch of guys who looked like a cross between Boyzone and the Kwik Fit Fitters didn't inspire me. And the EP containing lyrics primarily about abusing prostitutes just wasn't my bag.
So what was left after the crap-cull?
Iced Earth - The Crucible Of Man
Power metal. Lots and lots of power metal. Not really something I'm a massive fan of, but not bad. It seems to be disk 3 of a 5 disk set, which is odd.
Soul Sanctuary - Afterlife
A bit of alternative metal from down south. I'm always a bit dubious about "alternative" metal. It's a bit nothingy. Anyway, the album opener, Afterlife, is a great death metal track with good, catchy riffs and nice technical bits. So that's a good start. After that it all goes a bit Bullet For My Valentine, with definite overtones of Lostprophets. If they'd stuck the the style of the first track, it would have been awesome. Instead it feels a bit contrived to sound like popular bands, and not particularly well. Should have stuck to the original style.
Xes_1 - InSaneVoice
More "alternative" metal, but this time a little more specifically "alternative industrial", with some electronic twiddly bits and decent riffs. It's all pretty depressing stuff, with titles like "Self-abuser" and "Deep scar". The vocals aren't really my sort of thing; not harsh enough to match the music. But not bad.
I have also acquired free stuff from other sources. Sanguine, who were playing the New Blood stage, were handing out copies of Live, Consume, Drive, their debut EP. It's pretty good. Sounds a bit like Tystnaden with more screaming.
I also managed to source a copy of Shreddertron's EP, Turbo Future Gladiator. Just as good as I remember them from the set on Friday morning. Great stuff.
A Q-Strap, a keyring and my Wychwood tankard came together to produce ... the Tankyard, a lanyard for your tankard! Always by my side, never in the way, and when I needed a pint ...
... there it was for easy drinking. It even has a quick release carabiner when required.
The Tankyard concept is copyrighted, trademarked and ferociously protected by Rowan, who you can see in the above picture providing background colour.
And so that was Bloodstock 2011, a storming weekend of metal, beer, metal, food and metal. As expected it was the highlight of my year, a cracking good laugh and a fantastic musical experience. I'm now suffering quite badly with L.O.B. (Life Outside Bloodstock) syndrome, so rather than dwell on reality, let me regale you with tales of hilarity, drunkenness and chemical toilets.
Although the festival officially runs from Friday to Sunday, we decided to attend from Thursday to Monday to ensure we were present for every last second of the festival proper. This decision was made easier because the main arena was open on Thursday night with beer, music and comedy.
The Old Dead Tree
After a surprisingly easy drive we parked up by an amazing old dead tree. Coincidentally, we had been listening to The Old Dead Tree on the way down, so it seemed particularly apt. After what felt like a 10 mile hike to the campsite, we pitched camp and cracked open the first beer. Well, you have to, don't you? This was pretty much the theme of the weekend, although this time the focus was less on drink and more on having a laugh and watching great bands play amazing sets. And there was certainly plenty of that.
We missed the comedy on Thursday night, but caught Revoker who, despite being a little disappointing in Sheffield last month, were proven to be a good band who suffered at the hands of less than great sound quality. The beer was a choice of Hobgolin or Carlsberg. No brainer, if you ask me, and at £3.80 a pint I'd rather have real ale than fizzy lager I can (and did) get for 50p a can from Asda. I seemed to be the only member of the group drinking Hobgoblin for some reason. I don't know why, but the less they drank, the more there was for me. It's all good.
Hobgoblin Merchandise
Wychwood had their own stall selling merchandise, so I obviously went over and got a t-shirt. While I was there, I noticed some very nice pewter tankards with the Hobgoblin and Wychwood logos. I had to have one. Thanks to an ingenious arrangement of camera straps, key rings and carabiners, the Tankyard (the lanyard for your tankard) was born. I used it all weekend and got an awesome reaction from everyone who saw it. Somebody even left a quid in it while I was asleep on the grass. I didn't think I looked that much like a drunken tramp, but maybe I did.
Shreddertron!
Friday saw the official opening of festivities, with the main stage being unveiled and the barriers removed, the Bloodstock Arms opening and serving its first beers, and a long list of bands we wanted to see. On Thursday night I was handed a flier for Shreddertron, and they were first up on the New Blood stage. As good a place as any to start.
A very good place, as it turned out. Somewhat Pelican-esque post-metal, with some parts reminiscent of Apocalyptica, meant that everyone thoroughly enjoyed it. There was, we noted, no shredding, which did make the moniker Shreddertron a little inaccurate, but we let them off.
Map Wench
The "Map Wench" (the busty, beautiful 23inertia) performed admirably, carrying her lineup scheduled on her lanyard, juggling clashes and making sure we were all at the right stage at the right time with the right amount of food and beer. I'll be honest, if it weren't for her reminders, I'd have probably forgotten to eat entirely. Excellent work, Map Wench. Your services are both appreciated, and required again next time.
Because the lineup this year did not contain a great number of bands I specifically wanted to see, we took the opportunity to see as much as we could to expand our musical horizons. And expand them we did. So much, in fact, that my Amazon wishlist has grown enormous just by adding all the albums I now want to own. Need to find some way to fund it.
There were ups and downs, of course. Some of the bigger bands (Wolf, Ihsahn, and W.A.S.P., for example) were quite disappointing, sounding to my ear a little "by the numbers". Others were a great surprise. October File played a superb set and really engaged with the audience. Byfrost are a band I've wanted to hear for a while, and I was not disappointed. Tarot, Finntroll, Wintersun and Therion were similarly spectacular.
4 Metal Fingers vs Invisible Oranges
Devin Townsend returned after last year's disastrous set, in which the band's equipment disappeared along with the sound. Providing more of a cabaret act than a metal set, it was nontheless entertaining and the crowd responded well to being called a "fetid number of hippies" by Ziltoid the Omniscient.
Feral Banana
Somewhat caught up in the hilarity, and riffing on the "My next band is …" meme, we spent a good hour on Saturday morning jazzed on Monster energy drink taking promotional shots of each other for such amazing sounding fake bands as "4 Metal Fingers", "Feral Banana", "Cheeky Gnome Expression", "Ironic Boobies" and "Bowel Movement". I'm not sure how successful they would be, but it was a hell of a laugh.
Worship the Feral Banana
One disappointment-cum-highlight for me was Primordial. Alan Averill, the band's vocalist, completely lost his voice a short way into the third track of what was promising to be a great set. He was obviously very upset by this turn of events, and made every effort to get back on the stage. The crowd were completely on the band's side, cheering Alan on whenever he appeared and provided vocals for the rest of the set as the band played instrumental. The crowd response was phenomenal and the band responded with humility and appreciation. It turned a potential disaster into, I think, one of the most engaging sets of the weekend.
One of the greatest things about a festival of this size is the sheer number of smaller unsigned or lesser known bands to discover. These were there in abundance, and we heard some amazing metal from the New Blood and Sophie Lancaster stages. Sanguine, Saturnian and Spire provided smaller, more directed sets to smaller crowds. It's how I imagine the Corporation would feel if it moved into a tent.
In fact, I enjoyed the smaller bands much more than the headliners. I generally find this to be the case, though. The smaller the band, the more engaged they are with the audience. W.A.S.P. did nothing for me, as I mentioned, and it was more fun making jokes about Immortal than watching Immortal. Motörhead played only one song I knew, of course, and they seem to be the ultimate one hit wonder. The crowd response wasn't overly enthusiastic until the very last song. Can you guess what it was?
Motörhead's drummer, Mickey D, was amazing to behold. He largely resembled a blonde version of Animal; all hair and flailing limbs. In his honour we popped to McDonalds for a spot of grease to recover from the excesses of the weekend.
One particular band of note I must mention is Evil Scarecrow. After missing most of their set in Worksop a few months ago it was great to see them play to a packed out crowd on the Sophie Lancaster stage. The world record attempt synchronised robot was a thing to behold, and I managed to secure a spot to video the attempt. I heard more than one person exiting the arena say that it was the highlight of their respective weekends.
Northern Oak
At the risk of sounding biased, I would have to say that the band of the weekend was Northern Oak. After a great acoustic set on the Jägermeister stage, including getting into the crowd and dancing, they played the greatest set I've ever seen them play on the New Blood stage. More of everything; more growls, more bombast, more horns in the air and an astounding crowd reaction saw them spend the next hour signing t-shirts and CDs, and taking photographs with fans both old and new. A thoroughly well deserved Bloodstock welcome.
This year's festival was, as always, incredibly well organised and well run. The people were generally very pleasant and well behaved, including queueing single file for the toilets and never crossing the "line of decency" by standing closer than necessary. The food was varied, expensive but not overly so, and of very high quality. I enjoyed the food a lot more this time. Having a full English available with 100 yards of the tent every morning was a definite plus point.
Mr Teas
The thing we were all most thankful for, though, was Mr Teas. A tea shop, of course, that sold a wide variety of teas including plain ordinary (builder's) tea, English Breakfast, Darjeeling, Oolong, Earl Grey and Assam. Toast, choccy biccies and other delights were available, and all the tea was make with water boiled on a wood burning stove and served in proper mugs. An oasis to which we would regularly flock.
Mmmm TEA!
The usual reaction when I tell people I'm going to Bloodstock is one of shock and usually disdain. "Is that … heavy metal?" they ask, tentatively. "Oh, no, I don't like that sort of thing." But once again, with very few exceptions, the metalheads were there for the festival, not for trouble. On the Sunday night one guy, presumably off his face on something, decided that he was a Viking warrior and rallied troops to march around the campsite blowing horns. All well and good, a bit of a laugh that I cheered to. But then he decided to invade the family camping area not too far from our tent. He pulled down the fencing and tried to get the crowd to follow him in. They were having none of it.
In fact, what happened next made me remember what a top bunch of folks most metalheads are. While we set about putting the fences back up the massing crowd turned their back on the instigator of the nonsense, leaving him high and dry. Security were present, but didn't do anything. They didn't need to. The community consciousness turned a potentially volatile situation into nothing at all just because everyone was only there for fun, not for selfishness or destruction.
Once again, then, I return from Bloodstock taking a little bit of it with me to keep me going for the next 12 months. Bloodstock is not a big festival, but it is a good festival. A festival for the fans, by the fans, in the truest sense. Here's to BOA 2012, and all the metal she may bring.
That's right, 1 day to go until 5 days of metal, relaxation, light drizzle and beer. I've been preparing electronic survival kit because, frankly, I don't want to risk my iPhone, very nice watch or my good camera by taking them to a field full of mud and thousands of people. Astonishingly, I've also managed to do it on a very small budget.
Phone
One of the things I'm looking forward to this weekend is a lack of connectivity. For a guy who carries the Internet around in his pocket, this may sound odd, but with the world the way it is at the moment I think a few days of blissful disconnection will be nice. So here is my Bloodstock Phone:
Samsung E1110
The Samsung E1110. It's a phone. It makes phone calls. It sends text messages. It has vibration alert. It costs £10. What more could I need when the only messages I'll need to send are "where are you?" and "where's the beer?"
Watch
Casio F-91W
The one, the only, the classic Casio F-91W. Favoured by business executives and schoolboys in the '80s, and now favoured by people who want to explode a very reliable timer for some reason, this is the ultimate retro-chic watch. And it costs £9. The water resist will be very handy for when I'm diving into the mud, and the light will make it useful at all hours. Perfect.
Camera
Canon Powershot A495
Those who know me well will know that I don't take the subject of cameras lightly. I had very specific requirements for this assignment; cheap, reliable and standard batteries (no battery packs). The Canon Powershot A495 seemed to fit the bill nicely, and at a very reasonable £50 (for a Canon compact, no less! None of your Samsung rubbish here) it doesn't break the bank. In fact, it's so good that I sold my old compact (Fuji S1600) because, while the feature set is severely lacking in comparison, the Canon blows it away in pretty much every way. Sure, it doesn't have full manual mode or 15x zoom or many fancy modes and options, but it does what a camera should; it takes pictures. And it does it well. In fact I've taken to carrying it around all the time just in case I see something and the DSLR would be too cumbersome.
It wasn't the first camera I chose. Initially I picked up a Praktica SlimPix 5250. That seemed to fit the bill very well indeed, for many reasons. First, it has a plastic sliding cover to protect it while not in use. It also has no zoom or autofocus, so no moving parts to fail. Unfortunately, though, the picture quality was appallingly bad. In bright light it was ok, but as the light level dropped the fixed f/8 aperture was just too much for it, and the limited range of ISO meant that slooooow shutter speeds were the order of the day. I was hoping for a Lomo, grungy style. Oh, boy, did I get it!
The other issue was that it ate batteries like no tomorrow. The Canon lasts ages on a single pair of AAs. I still have the Praktica just in case I feel like doing some extremely lo-fi photography, but it'll probably just stay in the drawer looking forlorn alongside my 35mm compact which, despite having practically no features, is 4x the size of the A495.
Q-Strap
The other thing I'll be taking along is my Q-Strap. It's a low-budget rip-off of the famous R-Strap, and is a sort of sling that attaches to the tripod socket of the camera body via a sturdy carabiner. The sling-like arrangement allows the camera to hang by your side out of the way, but slides up the strap on a runner making quick access very easy indeed. I use it all the time with my SLRs and have experimented with the A495 too. The tiny size of the camera means that it hangs nicely by my side, and if I put the Q-Strap on underneath my coat, it will be protected from the elements, too.
So that's my festival electronic survival kit. I think it should serve me well. As long as I remember to charge the phone and take batteries with me ...
After completely failing for the last two years, it is time for TME to finally get round to going to Bloodstock Open Air; Derbyshire's premier metal festival. Tickets have already been bought and are sat on the desk awaiting August 2011 and 3 days of pure metal.
But what's on? Not much yet. Bloodstock announcements always seem slow at first and pick up in the new year. Perhaps this is related to the pre-Christmas "early bird" discount. If they announced the big names up front, there'd be a rush on the cheaper tickets. We're not that bothered about waiting for lineup news. We're going anyway.
However, quite a few bands have been announced, including some just this morning. In my review of Gravity of Light I said that "I'd love to be in the crowd when they play [Rise!] live." And soon I will be, when they play the Ronnie James Dio stage on the Friday night.
Other names confirmed so far include Therion, At The Gates, Triptykon, Morbid Angel and Lawnmower Deth. Crikey. Stay tuned for further excitement.
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